Murphy's Laws:

If anything can go wrong, it will

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong

Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then

If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway

If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
Mother nature is a bitch.

Murphy's Law of Copiers
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.

Murphy's Law of the Open Road

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that:

the two cars are going in opposite directions, and
they will always meet at the bridge.

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics

Things get worse under pressure.

The Murphy Philosophy
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.

Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws

Everything goes wrong all at once.

Murphy's Constant

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

Murphy's Law of Research

Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Addition to Murphy's Laws
In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.

More Laws

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Everything takes longer than you think.

If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

Every solution breeds new problems.

The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

More Laws of Selective Gravitation.

A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.

A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete

instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).

If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.

If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.

More Laws of Selective Gravitation

The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.

You will always find something in the last place you look.

After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

The other line always moves faster.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.

If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Where patience fails, force prevails.

"Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.

Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
the worse you know when this will happen,
and vice-versa.

Relativistic correction of Murphy's law:
Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.

Corollary

(otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):

Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.

Murphy's Laws of Airline Travel

The distance to your departure gate is directly proportional to the weight of your carry on luggage and inversely proportional to the time remaining before your flight.

I hope to open one day a page for Murphy's Laws of Airline Travel, since I think Murphy fly a lot.

If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.

If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.

When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.

Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back.

If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions.

He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.

Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.

Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.

(getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)

The fish are always biting....yesterday!

You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.

The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.

Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.

The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.

When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.

Or in another version
The light at the end of the tunnel is a train

Cole's Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.

Being dead right, won't make you any less dead.

Having the right of way, won't make you any less dead.

Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.

Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it.

Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.

The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.

law of observation:

the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions

A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation.

If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable.

If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.

no matter where I go, there I am

Where patience fails, force prevails.

Murphy's Law Current Revision

Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!
You just haven't been notified.

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..."

A former colleague of Russell Cooper once claimed that Murphy had plagiarized his "Gamble's Law" which says that "The letter box is always on the other side of the road"

If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.

If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.

all good things come to those who wait...
but , don't wait too long or they will pass you by...
like 2 ships that pass in the night...
never again to return that same exact site.

If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done.
Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.

You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water

Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.


Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.


No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.

Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you're still screwed.

Hunter's Corollary to Murphy's Law:
Things always go from bad to worse.
Hunter's Observation on Beauty:
Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower.
Hunter's Observation on Experts:
An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.
Hunter's Observation on Sugarcoating:
All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced.
Hunter's Observation on hypocrites:
A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite.
Hunter's Observation on Education and Oz:
"We can give you a diploma, but we can't give you a brain."


Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk.

The Law of Stupid Tricks
Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD.

Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you'll have.

Paper is always strongest at the perforation.

Things are never as good as they are bad.

Chaos always wins, because it's better organized.


Don't let go of something until you have a hold of something else.

A bird in the hand is messy.

The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.

When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.

If Murphy's law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic - Steven Wright

If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come...

If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

Mrs. Murphy's Law:
If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town....

If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.

It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
the pessimist fears this is true.

Murphy was an optimist
Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren't there?
Or in other words:
someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires.
You get all the credit for the dumb move.

Murphy was an extreme optimist!
Says Charles L. Mays
And we'll end this page with something optimistic (don't hit me).
Don't worry about Murphy's Law, you know it's gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!

The humor of Murphy's Law leaves you laughing at the end of the day.
If you make it through a Murphy Day...you win!

Computers Laws
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.

If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.

The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its output.

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Every non- trivial program has at least one bug
Corollary 1 - A sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no bugs.
Corollary 2 - At least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the organization.

Bugs will appear in one part of a working program when another 'unrelated' part is modified.

The subtlest bugs cause the greatest damage and problems.
Corollary - A subtle bug will modify storage thereby masquerading as some other problem.