Miscellaneous Jokes
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'" "I say, Sem Ting."

A TEXAN FARMER IN AUSTRALIA A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large." Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows." The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"



And lastly, a story of the great ingenuity of two ambitious boys: A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the problem: a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket at his feet, full of change.

 

 

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?

Dam!

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids.

What do you call a boomerang that does not work?

A stick.

What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?

Nacho cheese.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?

Cuatro sinko.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What type of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka.

What do you call skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang-bang clop, clop, clop?

An Amish drive by shooting.

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?

Someone's gonna lose a trailer.

Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?

Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.