NICKNAMES:

If Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call
each other Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.

But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a beer, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and
Useless.
 

EATING OUT:

When the bill arrives, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in
$20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
 

MONEY:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
 

BATHROOMS:

A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
 

ARGUMENTS:

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 

CATS:

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
 

FUTURE:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 

SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
 

MARRIAGE:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
 

DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
 

THE NATURE OF THINGS:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and
secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.