Women "bashing"

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
Do you know what it means when you come home to a little affection, a little
tenderness, and a little sympathy? It means you're in the wrong house.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
1.No mind.        2.No business.
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and
Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked,
"What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of
house and home."
How are women like laxatives? Because they irritate the crap out of you.
Why did God make man first? Because he didn't want a woman looking over his
shoulder.
How can you tell if a man is a Male Chauvinist Pig? He thinks "harass" is two words.
My wife complained about not being wanted, so I went to the post office and
put up her picture!
My wife gets more dirt out of a phone than she can out of a vacuum cleaner!
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, 
"What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
A Husband is a man who:
  1.         gave up privileges he never knew he had.
  2.         is spouse-broken.
  3.         lost his liberty in pursuit of happiness.
  4.         made a wrong turn in lovers' lane.
A Wife is a woman who:
  1.         can dish it out but can't cook it.
  2.         dresses to kill and cooks the same way.
  3.         has a made-up face, serves heated-up dinners, charges-up bills, and has a fed-up husband.
  4.         is a dish-jockey.
  5.         is a husband's bitter half.
  6.         sticks with her husband through all the troubles he would never have had if he hadn't married her in  the first place.
Confucius says man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's
sink.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems
longer.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.